Surrealing

This morning as always I woke up late, showered, got dressed and made my way to the garage in the basement to get my bike, Millie. I put her in first gear, ascended the multiple ramps, pushed the button to open the door and as it opened I proceed once again up another ramp towards the light of day. I squinted as I come out of my dark cave and people stood and looked surprised that I was only a meer biker and not a car.

Some mornings I like to listen to music. This morning was one of them. So as I began biking I fuddled around and tried to get those darn buds in my ears. Listening to music while biking allows me to disconnect from reality and bike in a sort of fantasy world.

I laugh out loud to myself as I ride along thinking of, I suppose, surreal thoughts and scenarios.

I decided that perhaps I should let you into my sick mind. Afterall if I find it so funny maybe so will you...

My first thought is a frequent one I have. It is this strange fantasy where I slap or pinch the arse of an old man. They seem like they are everywhere in the bike lane and are really just asking for it. I would just love to see an old man's face after a young lady like myself performs a drive by arse slap. This morning I thought about the old man's possible reaction and that of his old man friend. In my fantasy he gasps as he is molested and his friend turns to me and gives me a hand gesture of tisk, tisk. I ride off cackling.

As I pass cool looking people I always think it would be super cool to do like a drive by high five. I would scream "High Five, man" and these cool dudes would give me some skin. That would just rock.

This morning a public bus pulled into a bus stop and about 20, 17 year old boys got out. I pictured them all coming over to me to give me a good morning kiss on the cheek (I am not perve come on) and then skip off to their school.

There are always a few men selling packages of tissues on the street to stopped cars. This morning one man was walking to his post. I was thinking of how great it would be if I could give him money for all his tissues. So I imagined handing him the money and then tissues raining down on me.

Of course sex comes to mind in all of this and as I ride I intermittenly think about..well you know..afterall I do have a sort of phallus symbol between my legs.

As I almost arrive to work, I must cross a black and white striped painted cross walk. I picture that it is the back of a zebra and he lifts his head and tells me to have a nice day.

When I do arrive I come down through the cloud I was on during my commute. I greet a mother that is holding her childs hand taking her to day care. Her child is floating like a balloon, she too, I suppose is in her own fantasy world.

When I "land" at work, I park and lock my bike, swipe my card and return to reality. Hola, buenos dias.